Where do I belong?
by Chiisai-tori
Summary: Kagome's POV. Caught up between two worlds, Kagome finds herself wondering where her real 'home' is.


Disclaimer: All right, here goes. I don't own Inuyasha. (That wasn't so hard….)

A/N: Kagome's thoughts are in italics, speech written as normal. R&R please! My first fanfic…..hope you like it.

Title: "Where Do I Belong?"

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Arrgh, I can't DO this stuff!

I slam the maths book shut and prop my head in my hands. I really don't know why I bother with all this school work sometimes. It seems so pointless, so…trivial. Back in the Feudal Era, my friends don't really understand why I put myself through this. They don't say anything, of course, but I can see it in their eyes. The confusion.

I hardly know what to make of it myself, anymore. The other day I was out with some friends from school, and I swear all they talked about was boys, clothes, makeup and … well, more boys. I just let my thoughts drift back to my 'other life'. I wondered what Shippo was up to, and just how many times Sango had clobbered Miroku for being too … erm, friendly. And Inuyasha?

I try not to think about him.

My friends eventually noticed that I was 'daydreaming' again, and tried to distract me. But I wasn't in the mood. After a while I excused myself, saying something about 'lots of homework' – which unfortunately was all too true. As I walked home I found myself looking around Tokyo, wondering if it was really there. It just doesn't seem so…real to me, anymore.

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I don't belong here now. I'm a stranger.

As I struggle with homework that I can't see the point of, I lean back in my chair and make a suggestion to myself. If I don't belong here, maybe I belong there? That time through the Bone-Eater's Well – maybe that's the reality I'm looking for?

In the morning I pack my bag as usual and say goodbye to my family for a few days. For once I make it through the well before Inuyasha comes to drag me by force. I just want to check, to see if I'm right – whether or not the Sengoku Jidai is more like 'home' than home is. I make the jump, as always, and climb up the vines as best I can. I take a deep breath and look around in anticipation. Out of the corner of my eye I spot the group sitting under one of the many trees surrounding the clearing. Sango is cleaning Hiraikotsu (again); Miroku is meditating; and Shippo is trying to get away from a raging Inuyasha – huh, they've been fighting again. It all looks so…normal, carefree. Without me.

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If I went to them now, I'd feel like an intruder.

My eyes widen, and my breath catches in my throat. My chest is so tight, it feels like it's going to explode with the pressure.

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I don't belong here either.

The sky feels like it's pressing down on my shoulders; all of a sudden the forest seems menacing and dangerous. Claustrophobic.

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I don't belong here.

I just want to run, to get away from these thoughts that won't leave me alone. But I can't. I still have a job to do. Shards to collect. I do my best to calm down as I slowly make my way over to my friends. I think they suspect something is wrong today, but they say nothing. Sango gives me a look of concern, silently promising an in-depth talk later on. How can I tell them I feel torn in half? A half-life in the past, a half-life in the future – neither one on its own would be considered a 'life'. 

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I don't belong…anywhere?

Later in the day we sit down to lunch in Kaede's house. There are no shards nearby, so there's no reason to go travelling just yet. But Inuyasha the Impatient has gone off to look for any rumours that might help us. It feels…strange without him here. Peaceful, but strange. Halfway through our meal I begin to feel closed in within the hut. Mumbling something about taking a walk, I make my way outside. Kaede calls out a warning that it might rain soon, but I ignore her. 

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I need to…get out of here.

Almost without knowing it I follow the trail that leads back to the well. As I realise where I am, I slide down so that I'm on my knees, resting my arms on the rim, looking into the well. A thought suddenly strikes me.

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If I don't belong here, or there, then maybe…someplace inbetween?

Slowly, trying not to fall in, I climb down to the floor of the well and sit huddled in a corner, wrapping my arms around my knees. This place could be called 'inbetween'…not really here, and not really there. This is the only spot where my lives meet each other halfway.

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I'll just stay here for a while.

It begins to rain. I look up at the sky in disgust, then close my eyes and work myself tighter against the wall – like that will protect me from the rain. I lose track of how long I sit there, eyes closed.

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How ironic. The place I belong is a hole in the ground.

The rain continues to fall, soaking me to the skin. I can't seem to make myself move – I'm unwilling to leave the last place, in my mind, that is 'home'. I don't care that I've turned numb with cold, or that I can't stop shivering. It's my home.

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All I have left, now…

I hear a muffled curse, and then a scrabbling sound as someone climbs into the well with me. I keep my eyes closed. I don't want company right now. But then something pokes me in the arm, and I open my eyes in annoyance. A pair of amber eyes float in my vision – close, then further back, as if the owner is embarrassed to be caught leaning so close to me. Inuyasha.

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I must look so pathetic, sitting here…but he doesn't understand…

He roughly demands to know what I'm doing, but I find that I just don't have the strength to reply. I can't answer the anger, the impatience, the…command in those eyes.

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'Just a weak little human'…I know, I know.

Muttering about me getting sick, he grows tired of waiting for me and starts to forcibly hoist me onto his back. Through the fog in my brain, I dimly grow aware of one thing – that someone is forcing me out of my home, my final refuge. I grab a vine and refuse to let go. He jerks backward and I fall to the ground. He wasn't expecting it, and looks at me in something like shock. Confusion. Ahh, I confuse everybody – even me.

"Don't make me – don't make me go, please…"

His eyes narrow, and I realise that I've spoken out loud. Before I know it, he's caught me up again – and this time I can't stop him. I have no choice but to resign myself to the inevitable. I've lost the will to protest, to lash out at this eviction. I left all my strength behind me, in a hole in the ground. The last remaining place I belong…

He's angry, I can tell from his jerky movements, normally so smooth. From time to time he shakes his head impatiently, as if arguing with someone I can't see. Trying to figure out why I would be willing to freeze out in the wet like that. But he doesn't get it. I hide my face in his haori, trembling all over.

"I don't belong anywhere anymore."

It's just a whisper, but it's enough. He stops in mid-stride, not moving a muscle. Gradually his fingers loosen, letting me slide to the ground. I hang my head, darkness eating at the edge of my vision. I'm weak from the cold, weak from exhaustion…heck, I'm just plain weak. He turns and tilts my chin up, forcing me to look at him. His eyes are dark with something I can't identify – I can't tell what he's thinking.

"You belong with me."

It's so soft and low, I can barely hear it. But it's there. I think for a second – maybe that's what I'm looking for. Not a place, but a person. I can accept this. As my mind relaxes, I surrender to the blackness that has been eating at me – I'm so tired. In the last seconds before I hit the ground, I hear his startled gasp and feel him catch me as I fall. In this state, it's so easy for me to convince myself that his arms are loving, and tender…caring only for me. My heart, exhausted from its terrible ordeal, clings tenaciously to this single, desperate lifeline.

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I belong with him.

I belong with Inuyasha.


End file.
